Blog #9

Part II: Analysis

"The Old Man"
This student overall did a good job. They showed great knowledge of the book that they were talking about and the character that they were analyzing. They have compound sentences down! They used coordinating conjunctions to expand their sentences. For example, "The old man is a person who does not talk to very many people but he does have the boy" (first paragraph, third sentence). Even though they forgot the comma, it still shows that they are trying to incorporate conjunctions into their paper. They also used a semi colon - correctly if I might add! In the last paragraph they say, "The boy is a good friend to the old man; he brings out the goodness in the man".  This shows that they are trying and experimenting with grammar tools that they have learned. They had a few minor spelling errors, but nothing major. I thought that this paper showed that the student read and understood their topic well. I think that some sentence variety and more descriptive words would really make this paper pop!

"Far from a Safe Heaven"
This student showed a wide range of vocabulary that made their writing so much stronger. By using words such as "brutally" and "frustrated" it helps paint a picture for the reader, therefore making it much more fun to read than if they chose to use not as descriptive words. They had a strong thesis that clearly laid out the topics they were going to discuss within their paper: "His dream, Curley and the other angry ranch hands, and his relationship with Lennie bring George's changes" (first paragraph, last sentence). I noticed this right off the bat as it represents that this student is an advanced writer and that they know how to write a thesis. This student also did a great job of correctly using compound sentences within their paper as well. One thing I think this paper needs is a good, strong conclusion.

"Decisions, Decisions"
I loved the introduction to this paper - it even had a hook! "What if you flunked college and then dropped out?" (first paragraph, first sentence). This was a great way to show that they have the abilities and the desire to grab their audiences attention from the get-go. They also had a great thesis as well, it stated clearly what they wanted to talk about in their paper: " In The Catcher In The Rye, the author JD Salinger presents his character by his usage of language, his sensitivity, and his decisions." (first paragraph, last sentence). This student as well showed great usage of compound sentences and a wide range of vocabulary. This paper had a great concluding paragraph that wrapped up the whole paper nicely as well as give great concluding thoughts.

Part III: Mini Lesson
Some questions I have about my papers is that I am curious as to what they have learned thus far in their English class. (That way I can tell what they are applying into their papers) (sentence set apart as an aside to the previous sentence). I think that most of them showed great qualities and patterns within their writing. As a mini lesson to do for this "class" I think that it would be fun to work on their sentence variations (both with adding more descriptive vocabulary and sentence length). (to add specific information). By doing an activity that started out as a simple sentence such as: I like cats. To then adding descriptive words that answer the questions, What kind of cats? What things to cats do that you like? From then on they could come up with a much more descriptive sentences like: I like furry, snuggly, and siamese cats that climb trees on warm, sunny days. This type of lesson would be fun (and educational) for the students. (to add information that is helpful, but not essential).  I was thinking of doing an activity with notecards - kind of like what we did in class that one day when we were building sentences to talk about baseball. Also, to incorporate a lesson in sentence variation we could practice writing short sentences followed with long sentences and vice versa.